Study Focus: Eph. 5:21–33; Phil. 2:3, 4; Ezek. 16:1–14; 2 Cor. 11:1–4; Gen. 2:15–25.
Introduction: Unity runs like a golden thread through Paul’s letter to the Ephesians. Unity applies not only to the relation between the Jews and the Gentiles in the church (Ephesians 2). Throughout the epistle, Paul discusses how unity is brought about by the triune God; by salvation; by baptism; by faith; by spiritual gifts; by the presence of the Holy Spirit in us; by the transformation of our walk of life, according to the pattern of Christ; and by Christian wisdom. Ultimately, for Paul, unity in all its aspects is possible only in Christ.
Paul brings to its rightful place his entire discussion of the unity of the church as the new humanity: the family. If ever there was an example or a model of unity, it is the family. Family can be truly united only in Christ, as the Gentiles and the Jews are united in Christ and as all the church members are united in one body, the body of Christ. In the family, the wives will submit to the husband in Christ and the husband will love the wife “in the Lord.” The divine aspect within the marital relation means we must see the family as God sees it. This divine aspect also means that the family must fulfill the function and purpose that the Lord gave it at Creation: “one flesh,” an indivisible unity. The two are one, not only because of mutual benefits but because God created them so, because God commanded them to be so. The unity of the family points beyond itself, just as the unity of the church points to the unity of the triune God and His relationship to humanity.
Lesson Themes: This study focuses on three major themes:
Paul’s unity theme continues with the Christian family, as revealed in the relationship of the husband and wife.
The only way the true Christian family keeps its unity is by being “in the Lord,” meaning that the members submit to each other as designed by God at Creation and as confirmed by Jesus’ sacrificial love for humanity in His plan of salvation.
A family truly “in the Lord” would not experience abusive relations, such as adultery or violence, because both the husband and the wife would learn how to respect and love each other in the Lord.
Part II: Commentary
Paul’s Theology of the Family
Ephesians 5:21–33 is a profound Christological and ecclesiological discussion. As elsewhere in his epistles, Paul mixes a solid theological discussion (doctrine of Christ and doctrine of the church) in his practical considerations. In Paul’s view, biblical theology does not exist for the sole purpose of devising a coherent and beautiful intellectual system; the apostle’s practical message is always built on the solid foundation of biblical theology.
For this reason, the apostle does not approach the discussion of the family as if it were a marginal topic that could be addressed with a few solutions taken from general human wisdom, psychology, or sociology. Rather, he places his discussion of the family in the context of foundational Christian doctrines: God, Creation, Christ, salvation, and the church. In fact, here Paul does not use the family to illustrate these doctrines but, rather, uses these doctrines to illustrate the Christian family!
As in the case of the church, Paul does not accept that the approach to the Christian family be determined by the realities of our fallen human nature and society. Rather, he follows Jesus’ “to the beginning” interpretive principle (“ ‘but from the beginning it was not so,’ ” Matt. 19:8, NKJV), which helps the Christian church and its theology to orient itself toward the restoration of God’s ideals for us, as opposed to legitimizing the realities of the sinful world. Paul’s treatment of the family in the context of these foundational Christian doctrines shows that the Christian family cannot be subjected to compromise.
Submit and Love
Paul’s “submit . . . love” language, referring to male-female relationships, has caused numerous debates, attracting even some condemnations of Christianity as misogynistic. However, these reactions are based on a misunderstanding of Paul’s message.
Several points may help us gain a better understanding of this passage:
(1) The attitudes of both the husband and the wife come from the context of submitting to one another (Eph. 5:21), as a result of being filled by the Holy Spirit (Eph. 5:18).
(2) The wife submits to her husband, not as to a boss but as to Christ, her Savior and Protector. The meaning of submission is to hold her husband in high regard, respecting, acknowledging, and appreciating him as her protector and helper. The Bible does not provide any foundation to the notion of regarding the wife as inferior to her husband and, therefore, in subjection to him as to a superior. Rather, Paul here teaches the right attitude of humility and respect that the wife should have for her husband. The fact that Christianity proclaims the equal dignity of men and women in Christ must not lead women to adopt an attitude of arrogance and superiority toward their husbands. Rather, the wife’s attitude must be an attitude of loving and supportive faithfulness.
(3) Husbands, in their turn, must remember that women perceive love in terms of care and protection. The husband’s love for his wife is like the Lord’s sacrificial love for the church. Paul teaches men to have the right attitude of humility, appreciation, and love for their wives.
(4) True, Paul did compare the wife’s submission with the church’s submission, and the husband’s love with Christ’s love. But Paul does not make this comparison loosely, mixing up theological concepts, thereby providing ground for hierarchical relationships between men and women or for a sacramental view on marriage. On the contrary, the apostle immediately qualifies his comparison and explains very carefully what he meant exactly and what the points of comparison are. That comparison refers to the attitudes and forms of submitting to each other and of expressing love.
John Chrysostom (a.d. 347–407), the famous preacher and patriarch of the church in Constantinople, used his best homiletical skills to describe the husband’s love for his wife:
Wouldest thou have thy wife obedient unto thee, as the Church is to Christ? Take then thyself the same provident care for her, as Christ takes for the Church. Yea, even if it shall be needful for thee to give thy life for her, yea, and to be cut into pieces ten thousand times, yea, and to endure and undergo any suffering whatever,—refuse it not. Though thou shouldest undergo all this, yet wilt thou not, no, not even then, have done anything like Christ. For thou indeed art doing it for one to whom thou art already knit; but He for one who turned her back on Him and hated Him. In the same way then as He laid at His feet her who turned her back on Him, who hated, and spurned, and disdained Him, not by menaces, nor by violence, nor by terror, nor by anything else of the kind, but by his unwearied affection; so also do thou behave thyself toward thy wife. Yea, though thou see her looking down upon thee, and disdaining, and scorning thee, yet by thy great thoughtfulness for her, by affection, by kindness, thou wilt be able to lay her at thy feet. For there is nothing more powerful to sway than these bonds, and especially for husband and wife. A servant, indeed, one will be able, perhaps, to bind down by fear; nay not even him, for he will soon start away and be gone. But the partner of one’s life, the mother of one’s children, the foundation of one’s every joy, one ought never to chain down by fear and menaces, but with love and good temper. For what sort of union is that, where the wife trembles at her husband? And what sort of pleasure will the husband himself enjoy, if he dwells with his wife as with a slave, and not as with a free-woman? Yea, though thou shouldest suffer anything on her account, do not upbraid her; for neither did Christ do this.—Homilies of St. John Chrysostom, Archbishop of Constantinople, on the Epistle of St. Paul the Apostle to the Ephesians, in Philip Schaff, ed., Saint Chrysostom: Homilies on Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, Thessalonians, Timothy, Titus, and Philemon (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans Printing Company, 1983), vol. 13, p. 144.
Adventist Doctrine of Marriage and Family
The theology of the family is so important that some Christian churches have included the family in the list of their doctrines (see, for instance, the Westminster Confession of Faith, article XXIV). Unfortunately, some churches, such as the Roman Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, and Anglican churches, went to the extreme of viewing marriage and the family as a sacrament.
The view of Seventh-day Adventists on the family, especially focusing on the relationship between the spouses, is expressed in fundamental belief 23: “Marriage was divinely established in Eden and affirmed by Jesus to be a lifelong union between a man and a woman in loving companionship. For the Christian, a marriage commitment is to God as well as to the spouse and should be entered into only between a man and a woman who share a common faith. Mutual love, honor, respect, and responsibility are the fabric of this relationship, which is to reflect the love, sanctity, closeness, and permanence of the relationship between Christ and His church. . . . Although some family relationships may fall short of the ideal, a man and a woman who fully commit themselves to each other in Christ through marriage may achieve loving unity through the guidance of the Spirit and the nurture of the church. God blesses the family and intends that its members shall assist each other toward complete maturity. Increasing family closeness is one of the earmarks of the final gospel message.”—Seventh-day Adventist Church, “What Adventists Believe About Marriage and the Family,” available from https://www.adventist.org/marriage-and-the-family/.
The Adventist Church also provides additional reflection on the family through official statements. Its 1996 statement on “Marriage” (see below) is clearly associated with Ephesians 5, although the church’s statement does not use biblical references. However, several points from this statement highlight the theological importance of marriage and family.
First, the statement relates marriage to the nature of the biblical triune Holy God: “Arising from the diversity of the two human genders, the oneness of marriage images in a singular way the unity within diversity of the Godhead.”
Second, family symbolizes the relationship of God and humanity: “Throughout Scripture, the heterosexual union in marriage is elevated as a symbol of the bond between Deity and humanity. It is a human witness to God’s self-giving love and covenant with His people. The harmonious affiliation of a man and a woman in marriage provides a microcosm of social unity that is time-honored as a core ingredient of stable societies.”
Third, the statement emphasizes that human families are in a state of sin and in need of restoration in Jesus Christ and in the Holy Spirit: “Because marriage has been corrupted by sin, the purity and beauty of marriage as it was designed by God needs to be restored. Through an appreciation of the redemptive work of Christ and the work of His Spirit in human hearts, the original purpose of marriage may be recovered and the delightful and wholesome experience of marriage realized by a man and a woman who join their lives in the marriage covenant.”—General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists Administrative Committee, “Marriage,” April 23, 1996, available from https://www.adventist.org/official-statements/marriage/.
The Adventist Church has issued additional statements condemning family abuse and violence (General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists Administrative Committee, “Statement on Abuse and Family Violence,” released by the Office of the President, Robert S. Folkenberg, at the General Conference Session in Utrecht, the Netherlands, June 29–July 8, 1995), as well as affirmation and support of women in various difficult contexts (General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists Administrative Committee, “Statement on Women’s Issues,” released by the Office of the President, Robert S. Folkenberg, at the General Conference Session in Utrecht, the Netherlands, June 29–July 8, 1995).
Part III: Life Application
Brainstorm with your students about ways that their families or church could become a center of family reconciliation, where the husbands and the wives in the larger community could find reconciliation.
Invite your class members to imagine they have been invited to prepare three presentations as part of a project for promoting the Christian relationships between husbands and wives in the community. What three topics would they choose, and subsequently, what elements would they include in each topic?
Ask class members to identify and explain three major differences between the way the Bible and their local culture views the husband-wife relationship in the family. In what three ways could they correct relations in their own families in order to approach the biblical model of husband-wife relationships in the family?
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Key Text: Ephesians 5:25–27
Study Focus: Eph. 5:21–33; Phil. 2:3, 4; Ezek. 16:1–14; 2 Cor. 11:1–4; Gen. 2:15–25.
Introduction: Unity runs like a golden thread through Paul’s letter to the Ephesians. Unity applies not only to the relation between the Jews and the Gentiles in the church (Ephesians 2). Throughout the epistle, Paul discusses how unity is brought about by the triune God; by salvation; by baptism; by faith; by spiritual gifts; by the presence of the Holy Spirit in us; by the transformation of our walk of life, according to the pattern of Christ; and by Christian wisdom. Ultimately, for Paul, unity in all its aspects is possible only in Christ.
Paul brings to its rightful place his entire discussion of the unity of the church as the new humanity: the family. If ever there was an example or a model of unity, it is the family. Family can be truly united only in Christ, as the Gentiles and the Jews are united in Christ and as all the church members are united in one body, the body of Christ. In the family, the wives will submit to the husband in Christ and the husband will love the wife “in the Lord.” The divine aspect within the marital relation means we must see the family as God sees it. This divine aspect also means that the family must fulfill the function and purpose that the Lord gave it at Creation: “one flesh,” an indivisible unity. The two are one, not only because of mutual benefits but because God created them so, because God commanded them to be so. The unity of the family points beyond itself, just as the unity of the church points to the unity of the triune God and His relationship to humanity.
Lesson Themes: This study focuses on three major themes:
Paul’s unity theme continues with the Christian family, as revealed in the relationship of the husband and wife.
The only way the true Christian family keeps its unity is by being “in the Lord,” meaning that the members submit to each other as designed by God at Creation and as confirmed by Jesus’ sacrificial love for humanity in His plan of salvation.
A family truly “in the Lord” would not experience abusive relations, such as adultery or violence, because both the husband and the wife would learn how to respect and love each other in the Lord.
Part II: Commentary
Paul’s Theology of the Family
Ephesians 5:21–33 is a profound Christological and ecclesiological discussion. As elsewhere in his epistles, Paul mixes a solid theological discussion (doctrine of Christ and doctrine of the church) in his practical considerations. In Paul’s view, biblical theology does not exist for the sole purpose of devising a coherent and beautiful intellectual system; the apostle’s practical message is always built on the solid foundation of biblical theology.
For this reason, the apostle does not approach the discussion of the family as if it were a marginal topic that could be addressed with a few solutions taken from general human wisdom, psychology, or sociology. Rather, he places his discussion of the family in the context of foundational Christian doctrines: God, Creation, Christ, salvation, and the church. In fact, here Paul does not use the family to illustrate these doctrines but, rather, uses these doctrines to illustrate the Christian family!
As in the case of the church, Paul does not accept that the approach to the Christian family be determined by the realities of our fallen human nature and society. Rather, he follows Jesus’ “to the beginning” interpretive principle (“ ‘but from the beginning it was not so,’ ” Matt. 19:8, NKJV), which helps the Christian church and its theology to orient itself toward the restoration of God’s ideals for us, as opposed to legitimizing the realities of the sinful world. Paul’s treatment of the family in the context of these foundational Christian doctrines shows that the Christian family cannot be subjected to compromise.
Submit and Love
Paul’s “submit . . . love” language, referring to male-female relationships, has caused numerous debates, attracting even some condemnations of Christianity as misogynistic. However, these reactions are based on a misunderstanding of Paul’s message.
Several points may help us gain a better understanding of this passage:
(1) The attitudes of both the husband and the wife come from the context of submitting to one another (Eph. 5:21), as a result of being filled by the Holy Spirit (Eph. 5:18).
(2) The wife submits to her husband, not as to a boss but as to Christ, her Savior and Protector. The meaning of submission is to hold her husband in high regard, respecting, acknowledging, and appreciating him as her protector and helper. The Bible does not provide any foundation to the notion of regarding the wife as inferior to her husband and, therefore, in subjection to him as to a superior. Rather, Paul here teaches the right attitude of humility and respect that the wife should have for her husband. The fact that Christianity proclaims the equal dignity of men and women in Christ must not lead women to adopt an attitude of arrogance and superiority toward their husbands. Rather, the wife’s attitude must be an attitude of loving and supportive faithfulness.
(3) Husbands, in their turn, must remember that women perceive love in terms of care and protection. The husband’s love for his wife is like the Lord’s sacrificial love for the church. Paul teaches men to have the right attitude of humility, appreciation, and love for their wives.
(4) True, Paul did compare the wife’s submission with the church’s submission, and the husband’s love with Christ’s love. But Paul does not make this comparison loosely, mixing up theological concepts, thereby providing ground for hierarchical relationships between men and women or for a sacramental view on marriage. On the contrary, the apostle immediately qualifies his comparison and explains very carefully what he meant exactly and what the points of comparison are. That comparison refers to the attitudes and forms of submitting to each other and of expressing love.
John Chrysostom (a.d. 347–407), the famous preacher and patriarch of the church in Constantinople, used his best homiletical skills to describe the husband’s love for his wife:
Wouldest thou have thy wife obedient unto thee, as the Church is to Christ? Take then thyself the same provident care for her, as Christ takes for the Church. Yea, even if it shall be needful for thee to give thy life for her, yea, and to be cut into pieces ten thousand times, yea, and to endure and undergo any suffering whatever,—refuse it not. Though thou shouldest undergo all this, yet wilt thou not, no, not even then, have done anything like Christ. For thou indeed art doing it for one to whom thou art already knit; but He for one who turned her back on Him and hated Him. In the same way then as He laid at His feet her who turned her back on Him, who hated, and spurned, and disdained Him, not by menaces, nor by violence, nor by terror, nor by anything else of the kind, but by his unwearied affection; so also do thou behave thyself toward thy wife. Yea, though thou see her looking down upon thee, and disdaining, and scorning thee, yet by thy great thoughtfulness for her, by affection, by kindness, thou wilt be able to lay her at thy feet. For there is nothing more powerful to sway than these bonds, and especially for husband and wife. A servant, indeed, one will be able, perhaps, to bind down by fear; nay not even him, for he will soon start away and be gone. But the partner of one’s life, the mother of one’s children, the foundation of one’s every joy, one ought never to chain down by fear and menaces, but with love and good temper. For what sort of union is that, where the wife trembles at her husband? And what sort of pleasure will the husband himself enjoy, if he dwells with his wife as with a slave, and not as with a free-woman? Yea, though thou shouldest suffer anything on her account, do not upbraid her; for neither did Christ do this.—Homilies of St. John Chrysostom, Archbishop of Constantinople, on the Epistle of St. Paul the Apostle to the Ephesians, in Philip Schaff, ed., Saint Chrysostom: Homilies on Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, Thessalonians, Timothy, Titus, and Philemon (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans Printing Company, 1983), vol. 13, p. 144.
Adventist Doctrine of Marriage and Family
The theology of the family is so important that some Christian churches have included the family in the list of their doctrines (see, for instance, the Westminster Confession of Faith, article XXIV). Unfortunately, some churches, such as the Roman Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, and Anglican churches, went to the extreme of viewing marriage and the family as a sacrament.
The view of Seventh-day Adventists on the family, especially focusing on the relationship between the spouses, is expressed in fundamental belief 23: “Marriage was divinely established in Eden and affirmed by Jesus to be a lifelong union between a man and a woman in loving companionship. For the Christian, a marriage commitment is to God as well as to the spouse and should be entered into only between a man and a woman who share a common faith. Mutual love, honor, respect, and responsibility are the fabric of this relationship, which is to reflect the love, sanctity, closeness, and permanence of the relationship between Christ and His church. . . . Although some family relationships may fall short of the ideal, a man and a woman who fully commit themselves to each other in Christ through marriage may achieve loving unity through the guidance of the Spirit and the nurture of the church. God blesses the family and intends that its members shall assist each other toward complete maturity. Increasing family closeness is one of the earmarks of the final gospel message.”—Seventh-day Adventist Church, “What Adventists Believe About Marriage and the Family,” available from https://www.adventist.org/marriage-and-the-family/.
The Adventist Church also provides additional reflection on the family through official statements. Its 1996 statement on “Marriage” (see below) is clearly associated with Ephesians 5, although the church’s statement does not use biblical references. However, several points from this statement highlight the theological importance of marriage and family.
First, the statement relates marriage to the nature of the biblical triune Holy God: “Arising from the diversity of the two human genders, the oneness of marriage images in a singular way the unity within diversity of the Godhead.”
Second, family symbolizes the relationship of God and humanity: “Throughout Scripture, the heterosexual union in marriage is elevated as a symbol of the bond between Deity and humanity. It is a human witness to God’s self-giving love and covenant with His people. The harmonious affiliation of a man and a woman in marriage provides a microcosm of social unity that is time-honored as a core ingredient of stable societies.”
Third, the statement emphasizes that human families are in a state of sin and in need of restoration in Jesus Christ and in the Holy Spirit: “Because marriage has been corrupted by sin, the purity and beauty of marriage as it was designed by God needs to be restored. Through an appreciation of the redemptive work of Christ and the work of His Spirit in human hearts, the original purpose of marriage may be recovered and the delightful and wholesome experience of marriage realized by a man and a woman who join their lives in the marriage covenant.”—General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists Administrative Committee, “Marriage,” April 23, 1996, available from https://www.adventist.org/official-statements/marriage/.
The Adventist Church has issued additional statements condemning family abuse and violence (General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists Administrative Committee, “Statement on Abuse and Family Violence,” released by the Office of the President, Robert S. Folkenberg, at the General Conference Session in Utrecht, the Netherlands, June 29–July 8, 1995), as well as affirmation and support of women in various difficult contexts (General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists Administrative Committee, “Statement on Women’s Issues,” released by the Office of the President, Robert S. Folkenberg, at the General Conference Session in Utrecht, the Netherlands, June 29–July 8, 1995).
Part III: Life Application
Brainstorm with your students about ways that their families or church could become a center of family reconciliation, where the husbands and the wives in the larger community could find reconciliation.
Invite your class members to imagine they have been invited to prepare three presentations as part of a project for promoting the Christian relationships between husbands and wives in the community. What three topics would they choose, and subsequently, what elements would they include in each topic?
Ask class members to identify and explain three major differences between the way the Bible and their local culture views the husband-wife relationship in the family. In what three ways could they correct relations in their own families in order to approach the biblical model of husband-wife relationships in the family?