I always was a coward.
When I first moved into an academy dormitory in South Korea, I had to listen to Christian music to fall asleep at night. When some unkind students robbed me of 10,000 South Korean won (about US$10) in the bathroom at the train station, I was scared to enter the train station’s bathroom again.
My fears peaked when I served for a year as a student missionary in the rural Philippines. Young men who were curious about me—a young foreign woman—gathered around my candlelit house at night, whistling and sometimes peering into the windows. I began to suffer insomnia and could fall asleep only at dawn after listening to Christian music and reading the Bible.
My anxiety followed me to southern Asia, where I now live with my husband and two sons. Many times my husband watched me carefully check my surroundings on buses or trains before closing my eyes to sleep.
“Daisy,” he said, “I’m really curious how a person as scared as you ever signed up to be a missionary.”
It was true. I was a coward missionary. I preferred to stay in safe places.
But something changed my mind. One day, my sons and I were discussing war over a meal. I told the boys that many wars were going on around the world, and seven-year-old Saint, who has many fears like his mother, asked with interest, “Mom, then we can’t go to places like that as missionaries, right?”
“Yes, we can’t go to dangerous places,” I said.
“Then does that mean that people there don’t know Jesus?” Saint asked.
“Yes, many people are dying without knowing Jesus.”
Saint said firmly, “Mom, then let’s go to those places. Let’s go there and be missionaries.”
How could I object to such conviction? “Let’s do that someday,” I agreed.
Deep down in my heart, however, I had many questions. I wondered: I’m here as a missionary, but am I too worried about myself? I say I believe in God, but do I trust Him only when I feel that my own safety is secure?
My daily prayers have changed since that conversation with my sons. Now I pray, “God, please give me a mighty faith. Give me a heart and a faith to love people, to go near them, and to take care of them that is bigger than my fears about my safety.”
This mission story illustrates Mission Objective Number 1 of the Seventh-day Adventist Church’s “I Will Go” strategic plan: “To revive the concept of worldwide mission and sacrifice for mission as a way of life involving not only pastors but every church member, young and old, in the joy of witnessing for Christ and making disciples.” Learn more at IWillGo2020.org.