Know: Identify the personal attitudes necessary for the maintenance and healing of relationships.
Feel: Discern the impact of broken relationships on spiritual growth and church unity.
Do: Commit to offering grace and forgiveness in his or her relationships.
Learning Outline:
Know: The Necessity of Healthy Attitudes
What do we learn about the importance of attitudes in the health of relationships through the story of Paul, Barnabas, and John Mark?
What other biblical stories demonstrate important principles about healthy relationships?
How does Paul envisage spiritual gifts contributing to the health and unity of relationships in the church?
Feel: The Effects of Broken Relationships
What messages do conflicts and animosity between Christians send to the watching world? What do they reflect about the nature and power of God?
What impact do strained relationships have on the local church congregation?
In what ways have broken or strained relationships impacted your spiritual growth?
Do: Choosing Grace and Forgiveness
Why is it hard to offer grace and forgiveness when we have been wronged repeatedly?
What factors can help to motivate us to choose consistently to forgive others?
Summary: The gospel story demonstrates God’s extravagant grace and forgiveness as He reconciles and heals the broken relationship between God and human beings. It also provides the motivation for pursuing reconciliation and healing in human relationships, and it illustrates the attitudes that are necessary for this to occur.
STEP 1—Motivate
Spotlight on Scripture: Romans 5:10
Key Concept for Spiritual Growth: The healing and transformation of relationships are central to the gospel message and crucial for our oneness in Christ.
Just for Teachers: Our attitudes are key in the health of relationships. As you consider the following story, emphasize the key attitudes displayed within it and the results in the lives of those who chose to embrace them.
Opening Discussion: In 1961, civil rights activists in the United States began a series of what were called Freedom Rides. Activists rode interstate buses into the segregated states of the southern United States, then attempted to use the restrooms, waiting areas, lunchrooms, or water fountains in segregated bus terminals. Among these freedom riders was a 21-year old African American seminary student named John Lewis. When he attempted to enter the segregated waiting area of a bus station in South Carolina, he was beaten severely by Elwin Wilson, who held strong beliefs about those of ethnic origins other than his own.
Forty-eight years later, MSNBC broke the news that a remorseful Wilson had apologized for his long-held racism and hatred. John Lewis, now a senator, willingly accepted Wilson’s apology and offered his forgiveness. He further noted that Wilson’s change of heart showed the true power of love and grace. Wilson, for his part, believed he needed to do more than simply reconcile with the man he had injured. Pledging his life to a new cause, he became an activist for peace and equality, speaking against the bigotry and intolerance that still exists in society. (See http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/lewis-and-beater-receive-award/.)
The attitudes that we choose to embrace can result in the destruction of relationships or the healing of relationships. Grace and forgiveness are essential to the healing of relationships and to church unity. However, embracing these attitudes does not guarantee that other people will respond as we hope.
Questions for Discussion: What evidence is there in the story that suggests that Lewis already had forgiven Wilson before he asked for forgiveness? Why do you think that it was important for Wilson to do more than simply ask for forgiveness? What are the benefits of forgiveness?
STEP 2—Explore
Just for Teachers: Grace and forgiveness are critical in the healing of broken relationships. As you work through this section, help the class to recognize that the gospel provides both the example and the motivation for our expressions of these attitudes in our relationships.
Bible Commentary
I. Attitudes, Relationships, and the Gospel (Review Philemon 1–25 with your class.)
This week’s lesson provides two illustrations of the impact of attitudes upon relationships. Information is missing from both stories. We are told how the relationship between Paul, Barnabas, and John Mark was broken, and we have evidence that it was healed, but we are left with unanswered questions about how this occurred. On the other hand, there is an attempt at reconciliation in Philemon, but we must use textual clues to guess the cause of the dispute. Yet, both stories highlight the necessity of love, grace, and forgiveness in the maintaining of healthy relationships and, hence, the unity of the church. This combination of attitudes cannot help but draw our minds to the gospel story, where God’s character is on display. In His provision of salvation, God has modeled the attitudes for healthy relationships. It is because of His love, grace, and forgiveness that we have experienced a restored relationship with Him. Paul’s failure to exhibit the same grace and forgiveness that he preached in his interaction with John Mark highlights the universal need to let the gospel story transform every part of our lives. Even the most productive and dedicated leaders need to allow the Spirit to help them to live the gospel in their everyday lives. Nevertheless, Paul’s letter to Philemon indicates that Paul learned this lesson, for the impact of the gospel is threaded throughout the letter with attempts to bring reconciliation between Philemon and Onesimus. Paul engaged in the stories of both men in an attempt to reshape their perceptions. He contrasted the lives of both Philemon and Onesimus before and after hearing the gospel message, and saw the gospel as the key to restoration.
Sometimes our attitudes and beliefs blind us to the greater realities of situations. It is easy to ignore information that is inconsistent with our attitudes and beliefs and, hence, distance ourselves from objectivity. Paul’s belief that John Mark was a quitter overshadowed any of the positive traits he might have seen in John Mark. However, Paul’s engagement with the stories of Onesimus and Philemon allowed him to see that both had been transformed by the gospel and that reconciliation was indeed possible because of what they had in common.
Just as Christ entered into history and our world to bring salvation, we are called to engage in people’s lives and stories. We must recognize both ourselves and those with whom we seek reconciliation as broken people who are being transformed by the gospel. We must recognize the grace that we have been given and offer it freely to others. Like Paul, in the letter to Philemon, we should direct attention to Christ and His gospel that provides the Model for our relationships. Only as we see our lives in the shadow of Calvary can we exhibit the attitudes of love, grace, and forgiveness in our relationships, for an encounter with Jesus does not leave our lives unchanged.
Consider This: What attitudes are displayed by Paul in his split with Barnabas and John Mark? What difference do you see in the attitudes he displays and requests of Philemon? What parallels do you see between Paul’s actions in Philemon and the gospel story, particularly in the work of Jesus on the cross?
II. Understanding Forgiveness (Review Romans 5:8–11 with your class.)
Forgiveness involves a conscious choice to give up feelings of resentment toward another person and, consequently, it also removes any right to seek revenge for what he or she has done. Forgiveness does not require you to be the guilty party or imply that the other person deserves forgiveness. Rather, forgiveness roots out anger and bitterness from our own lives, helps heal wounds, and builds a basis for restoring relationships. Forgiveness does not mean excusing wrong behavior or removing any consequences that might result from the behavior. True forgiveness recognizes the seriousness of the offense but chooses a path of healing. God forgave humans, even though we were undeserving of His forgiveness. But divine forgiveness did not undermine the seriousness of sin or remove all the consequences of sin. Indeed, Jesus took the ultimate consequence of sin, suffering death on our behalf.
Consider This: Why is it sometimes difficult to forgive others? Why is it important to understand that forgiveness does not necessarily remove all the consequences of our actions? Whom does forgiveness benefit more—the offender or the person offering the apology? What evidence is there to support your answer?
STEP 3—Apply
Just for Teachers: Emphasize the importance of seeing ourselves and those who have wronged us through the lens of the gospel. When we see our grievances in this light, we remember the importance of offering grace and forgiveness to those with whom we are in a relationship.
Application Questions:
How should we deal with differences in opinions and theological understandings? How often do we excuse our behaviour, because we are defending truth or something we believe in strongly?
How might the recognition of our own sinfulness and need of salvation help us as we seek to restore broken relationships?
In what other ways does knowing the gospel impact relationships? How can we better pattern our own relationships after the example provided for us by Christ?
How does seeking to understand the stories and motives of the other person in a conflict change the way we seek resolution to the conflict?
What obstacles make forgiveness difficult?
What steps can you take this week to begin the process of healing and reconciliation in your relationships?
STEP 4—Create
Just for Teachers: In these activities, class members are encouraged to recognize the impact that forgiveness has on their own lives and to choose to be more forgiving in their relationships.
Activities:
Provide the class with pen and paper. Then ask them to write about two experiences. The first should focus on either a time when they were unexpectedly forgiven or a time when they forgave someone else who had wronged them. The reflection should include any feelings about forgiveness and the results that forgiveness had on the relationship. The second response should outline a time when class members found it difficult to forgive. After completing their responses, ask each person to share his or her answers with one other person in the group. Together the pair should reflect on what they have learned about forgiveness and the obstacles that make it difficult for them to forgive.
Identify one person in your life whom you need to forgive or to whom you need to show grace. Write a letter to that person, asking for forgiveness.
Create a Bible study about grace or forgiveness.
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Key Text: Ephesians 4:26
The Student Will:
Learning Outline:
Know: The Necessity of Healthy Attitudes
Feel: The Effects of Broken Relationships
Do: Choosing Grace and Forgiveness
Summary: The gospel story demonstrates God’s extravagant grace and forgiveness as He reconciles and heals the broken relationship between God and human beings. It also provides the motivation for pursuing reconciliation and healing in human relationships, and it illustrates the attitudes that are necessary for this to occur.
STEP 1—Motivate
Spotlight on Scripture: Romans 5:10
Key Concept for Spiritual Growth: The healing and transformation of relationships are central to the gospel message and crucial for our oneness in Christ.
Just for Teachers: Our attitudes are key in the health of relationships. As you consider the following story, emphasize the key attitudes displayed within it and the results in the lives of those who chose to embrace them.
Opening Discussion: In 1961, civil rights activists in the United States began a series of what were called Freedom Rides. Activists rode interstate buses into the segregated states of the southern United States, then attempted to use the restrooms, waiting areas, lunchrooms, or water fountains in segregated bus terminals. Among these freedom riders was a 21-year old African American seminary student named John Lewis. When he attempted to enter the segregated waiting area of a bus station in South Carolina, he was beaten severely by Elwin Wilson, who held strong beliefs about those of ethnic origins other than his own.
Forty-eight years later, MSNBC broke the news that a remorseful Wilson had apologized for his long-held racism and hatred. John Lewis, now a senator, willingly accepted Wilson’s apology and offered his forgiveness. He further noted that Wilson’s change of heart showed the true power of love and grace. Wilson, for his part, believed he needed to do more than simply reconcile with the man he had injured. Pledging his life to a new cause, he became an activist for peace and equality, speaking against the bigotry and intolerance that still exists in society. (See http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/lewis-and-beater-receive-award/.)
The attitudes that we choose to embrace can result in the destruction of relationships or the healing of relationships. Grace and forgiveness are essential to the healing of relationships and to church unity. However, embracing these attitudes does not guarantee that other people will respond as we hope.
Questions for Discussion: What evidence is there in the story that suggests that Lewis already had forgiven Wilson before he asked for forgiveness? Why do you think that it was important for Wilson to do more than simply ask for forgiveness? What are the benefits of forgiveness?
STEP 2—Explore
Just for Teachers: Grace and forgiveness are critical in the healing of broken relationships. As you work through this section, help the class to recognize that the gospel provides both the example and the motivation for our expressions of these attitudes in our relationships.
Bible Commentary
I. Attitudes, Relationships, and the Gospel (Review Philemon 1–25 with your class.)
This week’s lesson provides two illustrations of the impact of attitudes upon relationships. Information is missing from both stories. We are told how the relationship between Paul, Barnabas, and John Mark was broken, and we have evidence that it was healed, but we are left with unanswered questions about how this occurred. On the other hand, there is an attempt at reconciliation in Philemon, but we must use textual clues to guess the cause of the dispute. Yet, both stories highlight the necessity of love, grace, and forgiveness in the maintaining of healthy relationships and, hence, the unity of the church. This combination of attitudes cannot help but draw our minds to the gospel story, where God’s character is on display. In His provision of salvation, God has modeled the attitudes for healthy relationships. It is because of His love, grace, and forgiveness that we have experienced a restored relationship with Him. Paul’s failure to exhibit the same grace and forgiveness that he preached in his interaction with John Mark highlights the universal need to let the gospel story transform every part of our lives. Even the most productive and dedicated leaders need to allow the Spirit to help them to live the gospel in their everyday lives. Nevertheless, Paul’s letter to Philemon indicates that Paul learned this lesson, for the impact of the gospel is threaded throughout the letter with attempts to bring reconciliation between Philemon and Onesimus. Paul engaged in the stories of both men in an attempt to reshape their perceptions. He contrasted the lives of both Philemon and Onesimus before and after hearing the gospel message, and saw the gospel as the key to restoration.
Sometimes our attitudes and beliefs blind us to the greater realities of situations. It is easy to ignore information that is inconsistent with our attitudes and beliefs and, hence, distance ourselves from objectivity. Paul’s belief that John Mark was a quitter overshadowed any of the positive traits he might have seen in John Mark. However, Paul’s engagement with the stories of Onesimus and Philemon allowed him to see that both had been transformed by the gospel and that reconciliation was indeed possible because of what they had in common.
Just as Christ entered into history and our world to bring salvation, we are called to engage in people’s lives and stories. We must recognize both ourselves and those with whom we seek reconciliation as broken people who are being transformed by the gospel. We must recognize the grace that we have been given and offer it freely to others. Like Paul, in the letter to Philemon, we should direct attention to Christ and His gospel that provides the Model for our relationships. Only as we see our lives in the shadow of Calvary can we exhibit the attitudes of love, grace, and forgiveness in our relationships, for an encounter with Jesus does not leave our lives unchanged.
Consider This: What attitudes are displayed by Paul in his split with Barnabas and John Mark? What difference do you see in the attitudes he displays and requests of Philemon? What parallels do you see between Paul’s actions in Philemon and the gospel story, particularly in the work of Jesus on the cross?
II. Understanding Forgiveness (Review Romans 5:8–11 with your class.)
Forgiveness involves a conscious choice to give up feelings of resentment toward another person and, consequently, it also removes any right to seek revenge for what he or she has done. Forgiveness does not require you to be the guilty party or imply that the other person deserves forgiveness. Rather, forgiveness roots out anger and bitterness from our own lives, helps heal wounds, and builds a basis for restoring relationships. Forgiveness does not mean excusing wrong behavior or removing any consequences that might result from the behavior. True forgiveness recognizes the seriousness of the offense but chooses a path of healing. God forgave humans, even though we were undeserving of His forgiveness. But divine forgiveness did not undermine the seriousness of sin or remove all the consequences of sin. Indeed, Jesus took the ultimate consequence of sin, suffering death on our behalf.
Consider This: Why is it sometimes difficult to forgive others? Why is it important to understand that forgiveness does not necessarily remove all the consequences of our actions? Whom does forgiveness benefit more—the offender or the person offering the apology? What evidence is there to support your answer?
STEP 3—Apply
Just for Teachers: Emphasize the importance of seeing ourselves and those who have wronged us through the lens of the gospel. When we see our grievances in this light, we remember the importance of offering grace and forgiveness to those with whom we are in a relationship.
Application Questions:
STEP 4—Create
Just for Teachers: In these activities, class members are encouraged to recognize the impact that forgiveness has on their own lives and to choose to be more forgiving in their relationships.
Activities: